7 Things Our Kids Will Never, Ever Learn How to Do

7 Things Our Kids Will Never, Ever Learn How to Do from https://genevalopez2012.wordpress.com

Listen, Guys.  I’m usually that annoyingly optimistic, always-sees-the-glass-half-full kind of gal.  But even I have my limits and today, I’m here to deliver some pretty tough news: There are a few things that our kids are just never going to learn how to do.  Now, I can’t provide you with tons of documented research on this, but I can speak from my own experiences as a mom, the experiences of my friends, and my own observations in the Wal-Mart checkout lines and that’s basically the same thing, right?

I’m currently Mom of a 6-year old boy, a 2-year old girl, and as of sometime around the beginning of January, they tell me I’m going to also be the mom of a newborn boy.  So, sure, my kids are far from grown, but even still, I’m already convinced that the following information is factual and cannot be refuted.  As much as I want them to learn how to do these things, or in some cases, NOT to do these things, I’m convinced it’s just never going to happen.  I’ve accepted it and I’m here to make sure I crush your hopes and dreams, too. I mean, (cough, cough) I’m here to share my wisdom with the world.

When I had my first kiddo, I had absolutely no idea what the heck I was doing, so I often turned to experts in the field and saturated my mind with all the information I could find about how to be good at this Momma thing.  And you know, a lot of it worked pretty well. Our pediatrician even congratulated me at my son’s 1-month wellness visit on “keeping my child alive.”  True story!

But I don’t care how much information I’ve read, how many experts I’ve listened to, or what research I’ve found, nothing has worked to help my children learn how to do these 7 things.  I’ve gently reprimanded, begged, tried a reward-system, shamelessly bribed, and even had my 6-year old memorize Philipians 4:13 so we could repeat it together when feeling frustrated.  (Yelling through gritted teeth, “I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH” should still totally be effective, right?? Asking for a friend).

So without further ado, let’s just rip that band-aid off and get to it.

7 Things Our Kids Will Never, Ever Learn How to Do:

7 Things Our Kids Will Never, Ever Learn How to Do from https://genevalopez2012.wordpress.com

1. Find their shoes.

They can find a pimple on your face in 2.5 seconds that you worked for over 30 minutes to cover with layers of concealer and foundation, but they’ll never be able to find their shoes when it’s time to leave the house.

2. Drink the water (or not).  

It takes all day and multiple threats to your own sanity to get them to finish the 1 glass of fresh water you fixed for them this morning, but only 5 seconds for them to gulp mouthfuls of the bath water their disgusting, germ-covered, crusty rear-ends have been soaking in the last 15 minutes.  Gotta be building that immune system, though, right? Right?

3. Not to leave their winter coat at school.

They can remember every word, chord, and irritating special effect to every single one of the most annoying kids’ songs in the world, but they can’t remember to not leave their new winter coat on the school playground, the gym, or the school bus.  Every. Single. Year.

4. Pee in the toilet.

They can’t figure out how to consistently pee in the big, round, open toilet bowl and not on the seat, wall, floor, or their new underwear.  However, do not be dismayed.  Their ability to hit a target is in-tact and functioning because you better believe that when they’re sick, they’re always going to hit the bulls-eye and puke all over you.

5. Not to eat their boogers.

They scream, gag, and wail “BECAUSE IT’S GREEN!!” when you ask them to eat a piece of broccoli, but you can’t get them to stop chomping on their own boogers in the back seat while you’re driving down the interstate.

6. Sleep in.

You have to drag them out of bed at 9 a.m., yell until you’re blue in the face, and pray for repentance on your way to church every Sunday morning, but they’re whispering “Mommy, I’m hungry” over and over again with their putrid morning breath 2 inches from your face at 6:30 a.m. every Saturday.

7.  Just sleep in general.  

They’ll fall asleep in their car seat with their head bent at strangle angles, or in their plate of rice at dinner time, or on the front row of a rock concert.  They’ll fall asleep anywhere, anytime, but put them in that $200 crib you bought them, with the $500 mattress “guaranteed to have your toddler sleeping soundly all night,” with the down comforter, memory foam pillow, and rainfall white noise machine running, and they’re suddenly 2-year old scholars who want to read every book in their library, play peek-a-boo 8 million times, and see how many times they can get you to sing “You Are My Sunshine.” Oh, and you remember that glass of water you begged them to drink all day? Yeah, our little dictators are finally ready to drink it now.  Every single drop.

*****

So there it is, Friends.  The ugly list of parenting realities.  Take a deep breath and try to relax.  Somewhere out there some other exhausted parent is learning to accept these truths, too.  You are not alone!  We will survive, Friends!  We will!

I think.

7 Things Our Kids Will Never, Ever Learn How to Do from https://genevalopez2012.wordpress.com

When God Asks a People-Pleaser to Hate Others

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters-yes, even their own life-such a person cannot be my disciple.”  Luke 14:26

I know what you’re thinking.  “When God asks a people-pleaser to hate others? Geneva, you’ve always been a bit whacky, but THIS has definitely taken the cake, girl!”  I know, I know. It sounds crazy. But hear me out, ok?

I like to refer to myself as a recovering people-pleaser.  Some days, I totally kick the urge to fall into those old, ugly habits and other days, I fail miserably.  So, yeah, definitely still recovering and quite honestly, for as long as I live, I will probably always have good days and bad days with it; I’m just hoping those good days continue to be more frequent and the bad days become fewer and fewer.  

I first experienced God working on breaking these chains in my own life, with my relationships with peers and friends in high school.  Then later, I had major reconstructive surgery on my character in my professional life as a mental health and substance abuse therapist.  My concept of a “good” counselor was rocked when I realized that while being a good listener and being nonjudgmental were, as I presumed, certainly important traits of a counselor doing their job correctly, just as important was the need to speak truth to Clients.  Sometimes – often times – truth was difficult to hear. It was challenging to the listener and it would often be met with resistance and even dislike of the counselor speaking it. And that knowledge was hard for me to accept. Didn’t my Clients need to “like” me as a counselor?  How could I help them if they didn’t like me all the time? Oh, the growing pains I experienced as God transformed my character and understanding of my responsibilities as a therapist and once again chipped away at my natural instincts to please others.

Not so long ago, though, I looked back in awe at how far I had grown as a therapist in this area of my life.  I felt proud to realize that I was confident in gently speaking needed messages to Clients and that I was no longer paralyzed by fear to do so, despite the fact that it didn’t always make me popular with those I was trying to help.  And so I thought I had finally mastered my people-pleasing habits. I mean, where else could I possibly still need work in this area? Hadn’t God challenged me in every way possible to eliminate this habit?

Imagine my surprise when I soon learned that maybe, just maybe, God had actually saved my biggest problem area for last.  It was an area that I wasn’t at all prepared for and it has been met with lots of pain, heartache, and discouragement.

You see, growing up, I was always a bit of a “golden child.”  Gosh, that sounds incredibly snooty of me to say, huh? But that’s the only way I know how to describe it to help you really understand why this battle has been so difficult for a gal like me, so hang in there and let me explain.  I became a Christian very early on in life. I generally did what was expected of me, I made good grades, and I didn’t really go through any scary teenage rebellion. I was the stereotypical first-born child in my family, with my biggest show of irresponsibility being a constantly messy room (which by the way, I am totally paying for these days trying to raise a 6-year old to not be a slob. Sorry, Mom!)  My close-knit, southern family was proud of me and they supported my decisions in life. In the small church we attended, I was a leader. In college, I made phone calls every night to 3 people: my momma, my mamaw, and my aunt, who was like a second mother to me. The overall consensus among my family and those who knew me was that Geneva was a “good girl.”

Initially, I didn’t do any of these things to please others.  They were genuine acts from a genuine place in my heart and honestly, most of it was never a real act of heroism or courage to go against the grain as a teen.  My personality is just naturally inclined to generally follow the rules and live in peace, so if I’m honest, being “good” wasn’t ever something I could really brag about because it never required extreme sacrifice on my part. But looking back, I think I eventually became accustomed to the praise and the accolades to a point that my best behavior wasn’t always being done to honor God, but to please others. And as God’s most recent efforts to eliminate my people-pleasing habits have revealed, perhaps, even, it had become an idol in my life.  

I dread almost every election season because it’s always filled with mud-slinging, empty promises, and confusion.  The 2016 presidential elections were no different in that respect, except they seemed to be even uglier than normal.  This country, who I’ve never found to be particularly united, became even more divided than usual. My Facebook feed, like many of yours, was full of opinions, hatred, and nonsense.  I’ve never been a real fan of talking politics because I’ve never been a real fan of conflict. Oh, who am I kidding, I HATE conflict. But 2016 shifted something in me. Though still not a fan of speaking out politically, I found myself unable to keep quiet about some of the things I found disturbing.  And while I was expecting criticism, I wasn’t prepared for who most of that personal criticism was coming from: From people I had been a leader among, I had been admired by, and I had always been supported by. It seemed that my incredibly unpopular opinions on several political matters had hit quite a nerve among those I’d always felt the most comfortable around.  People who had shaped my life in great ways, been there for me in some of my darkest days, and who I owe a great deal of gratitude to for their influence and leadership in my life, suddenly felt like strangers to me. People I loved the most in my life were suddenly disappointed in me, shaming me, and even angry with me. And I wasn’t prepared.

I began to do a lot of soul-searching.  I questioned my motives for speaking out.  I questioned my beliefs. Was I wrong? I mean, according to a national survey, 80+ percent of the white, evangelical population all seemed to disagree with me.  Surely that meant something. I mean, believe me, I was used to having unpopular beliefs.  But I wasn’t used to not fitting in among my own; quite the opposite, actually. This was new terrain for me and I didn’t like it.  Was I allowing my mind to be tainted with worldly influences? These are the types of questions I wrestled with daily. These are the types of conversations I had with God at 3am when I couldn’t sleep.  I mean, how could I possibly be in God’s will here when nearly every spiritual and personal influence I’d had in my life at this point, disagreed with what I was saying. Clearly, I had to be wrong. Right?  

And then, I started praying about it.  People had accused me of being biased in some of my opinions because of my life experiences.  My immediate reaction to those accusations was to dismiss them, but I eventually came to a place of true brokenness and I found myself thinking that maybe they were right.  Maybe I was being biased. I didn’t know anymore. I started praying, “God, all I want is to be in Your will. If these passions of mine aren’t from You, then take them away.  I’m begging You, that if I am out of Your will here, strip these desires and this unrest in my soul away.” That became my daily prayer: “Not my will, but Yours.”

And you know what?  Things started shifting, but maybe not in the way you’re thinking they did.  I didn’t find those passions eliminated. I didn’t find God shutting my mouth. In fact, I came to realize that these weren’t just my personal opinions on topics, but they were things I clearly felt the  Holy Spirit convicting my heart about. I found the courage to continue to speak up for people God had burdened my heart for and to advocate for these causes, no matter the approval or disapproval of others. And while I still struggle at times with no longer being in the good graces among many who are important to me or among those I’ve always related to the most, I am learning that I used to depend on those opinions more than I depended on God’s.  

So does God really expect us to hate our family or our friends?  Of course not. But what He does ask of us, is that we do His will always, no matter the cost.  And rest assured, it’s going to cost us at some point. It may bring us to a place where doing what God has laid on our hearts just doesn’t make sense to our mother, our father, our husband, our wife, our brother, our sister, our son, our daughter, our uncle, our aunt, our grandfather, our grandmother…to anyone.  It might bring us to a place that feels desolate, where it feels like it’s just us standing in our brokenness, defeated, discouraged and confused. But be encouraged, Friends. Throughout all of this, God has been faithful in strengthening me through the wise words of some mighty leaders, establishing new, godly relationships in my life, and giving me the courage to stand for what He has laid on my heart, even if it feels at times that He is the only one supporting me in it.  What about you?  What is He asking YOU to do?

Where God leads, He always, always provides and He is masterful at breaking us, but somehow, if we let Him, He brings beauty from the ashes of our destruction.